So You Moved? There’s Something We All Forget.
Whether you moved across the country or across town, moving can be just plain hard.
The packing, the unpacking, leaving friends, meeting new friends, starting a new job, shutting off utilities, turning on utilities, leaving your church, finding a new church, moving pets, getting kids registered for school, kids starting school, and on and on.
Of course, we’re excited for our new home or new job. Or maybe we’re excited because we’re moving closer to family.
But it’s the calm after the storm that no one ever talks about. That no one ever seems to even think about.
Until they’re in it.
After the crazy busy-ness of moving is over. There you are. Trying to adjust. Trying to build a new life in a new place. And some days, it’s just not fun.
Y’all, moving is hard. And it’s a big deal. It’s a big, hard, life deal. But it’s something we don’t allow ourselves grace to adjust to. Grace and time to adapt to.
In fact, we say things like, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m all moved in and settled. I should be adjusting better to life here. I don’t know why I’m so emotional.”
We’ve seen and heard it over and over here at the Tomlin Team. We love helping our homebuyers find their new homes and welcome them to those new neighborhoods. But it makes our hearts heavy to hear guilt and shame entering into our dear clients’ lives and thoughts because they moved and are simply adjusting to big life changes.
In our impatient world today, we forget that all transitions take time. And that is what moving is: a transition that requires an adjustment which takes time.
In How to Handle Change, Tamar Chansky shares:
Why don’t you feel good yet, even if it’s a good change? Because you haven’t located yourself yet in your new context. You are literally in transition. Think of transition as a place in and of itself. You’re not totally lost and disoriented, you’re merely between contexts. The change you’ve experienced — whether it is a new school year, a new relationship, even a new traffic pattern — is abrupt; our adjustment, on the other hand, takes longer. Regardless of the specifics, transitions have roughly three predictable stages. Know which one you’re in: That, in and of itself, will curtail the feeling of disorientation.
Stage One: Resisting/Reacting
Characterized by doubt and discomfort as you are actively objecting and negatively comparing your new situation to your old. You’re not looking, you’re judging and it doesn’t look good.
Stage Two: Adjusting/Exploring
Characterized by doing more than feeling. You’re gathering information on how to make this work, making choices, making connections, asking questions, digging in.
Stage Three: Living Well in the New Old or the Old New
This is the stage you don’t notice because it doesn’t feel like a stage. You’ve arrived at your new destination. You’re accepting and incorporating the new so much, you wouldn’t have it any other way: The new is the (new) old.
And that is how we want to encourage you.
Understand that moving is something that requires you to grant yourself and your family some grace. Some time. Time to transition. Time to adjust. Time to go through those stages of change. We’ve even had clients tell us it took them years to adjust after their move. And that is okay. There is no right or wrong time frame. There is just you on your journey of life.
Let us help and encourage you in that journey…well after your home sale or home purchase.
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